Quick Tips & Suggestions
Here are a few quick tips and suggestions for things to do and things to avoid doing or saying to someone with cancer. I hope these are helpful.
Tip
When you are looking for an opportunity to help, take the cancer patient’s family into consideration. When I was sick, I had amazing care and support, but I often worried about my wife and children. They were often neglected, overworked, and stressed. I loved it when someone would treat them to a day of rest or fun.
Things to avoid
Avoid the phrase, “things could be worse.” While that is probably true, the last thing someone with cancer wants to think about is how things could be worse. You can’t make someone feel better by making them feel worse. Instead try something like: No matter what happens, I will be here for you.
Things to avoid
Avoid the phrase, “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle.” This suggests that God gave them cancer for some reason, like it is a test or something. God doesn’t give people cancer. A person’s faith should provide comfort and support. It is not a test or a trial that has been set for you. Perhaps instead try something like, "God didn't give you cancer, but he can give you strength."
Tip
Please understand that your friend with cancer is terrified, angry, and upset. They will be emotional. If they have a moment of weakness and have an emotional outburst, please forgive them. When your world seems to be collapsing it is hard to stay pleasant. Give them the grace to have bad moments without judgement or reprisal.
Tip
Before you bring food, call ahead, and ask if there is any dietary restrictions or preferences. Many cancer treatments effect people’s appetites and taste. Asking if there is anything special, they would like, or dislike can help make your meal more appreciated.
Things to avoid
Avoid the phrase, “I understand how you feel,” unless you truly do understand. Sympathy and empathy are not the same thing. Sympathy means, ‘I feel sorry for you’ while empathy means ‘I understand you’. Don’t say you understand unless you have been through something of similar magnitude. Instead try saying, “I can’t imagine what you are going through, but I will listen if you want to talk.”
Things to avoid
Avoid avoidance. Yes, it can be awkward and scary to spend time with someone who has cancer but do it anyway. Not knowing what to say or how to act is not an excuse for letting a friend fall by the wayside. When someone is seriously ill, they need to know that they are still loved and worthy of people’s time. Pick up the phone, send a text message, stop by for a visit, send a card…
Tip
Anything you can do to help someone with cancer focus on something besides their illness is great. Plan a simple distraction like renting a movie, taking a walk, or baking a pie. Helping someone with cancer remember that there are things besides their illness is a true blessing (even if only for a few minutes).